so many questions

Today, I walked through the Supreme Court, sat in the court room and saw various displays honoring the men and women who have served as US Supreme Court Justices. What I felt was a mix of very contradictory emotions - I was incredibly humbled to be in a place where history has been made by so few men and women; I was thrilled to think of the cases decided here that have advanced values and freedom; I was enraged by the honor given to those who have decided cases in defiance of the Constitution and our American values; I was hopeful that the work in that place is not yet finished - history is still in the making and God is still on the throne.

I didn't have much to say after we left. There was too much to think about, so much I still can't put into words.

I want to go back, again and again. I want to pray there. I want to be a part of battles fought there - how, I don't know yet.

There is so much I don't know. So many questions remain unanswered. What is my role? Of what use are my gifts and passions? Where can I be the most useful in God's Kingdom and for restoring America - even if it is something small and behind-the-scenes? What does this mean for school? Am I on the right track or is there a better route? Is it okay that I'm getting a late start - that I'm older than my bosses and still have no clue? What is the best way to prepare for a future I don't know anything about? Will I leave my internship this summer with any questions answered? Will my broad focus have been narrowed and clarified at all?

Can my heart be at rest in God's sovereignty if I don't get any answers?

I know the answer to that question.

Yes.

I might not have the answers, but He does. I might have passion, but His is overwhelmingly greater. My heart might break over the sin in our country, but He already sacrificed everything to pay the penalty for our rebellion. He has all the answers, bound up in more love and grace than I can fathom. When it is time to know something, He will make sure I don't miss it. My anxious thoughts don't trouble or surprise Him, but they don't please Him either. I want my heart to be at rest, fully trusting my Father who has already written my story with all its twists and turns. He is reliable. And He is good.